my father.

no i haven't mentioned him in any of my posts. infact i don't mention him much with anyone for that matter. i was thinking abt him yesterday though. there was this part of me that missed him. i'm trying to recall all the good things about him and i plan to keep it that way. it's so wierd knowing i have a dad and yet i feel no connection to him when we're face to face. it's just this bunch of butterflies in my stomach that tells me yeh.. he's ur dad.

one memory sticks with me till today though. the day i asked him why he called me his diamond. i remembered him looking at me and smiling. then he said cos diamonds are forever.

but gone were the days..

gone were the days i could hold his hand like a little girl and sit on his lap and giggle. or the times he'd put my feet on his palm to see how much i was growing. i guess it's cos i'm not a little girl any more and that time's passed. i missed it.

gone were the days..

of me being mommie's baby girl and daddy's diamond.

old habits die hard

okay okay.. u're going to ask, what's my lame excuse now?? yeh i haven't written in ages now and i have only me to blame. gosh a lot's changed. some for the better. decisions that weren't easy to make. friendships made and bonds that struggle to keep strong. the usual of what life throws at you.

i write today hoping still, that i'll keep up with this blog. it's like the diet i promised myself i'd keep up to, but failing terribly at. what can i say?

old habits die hard.

a favour.

favour:

just. shootme.

tearsoflovedones.

f*ck.

saturday:
-indy decided to be a f*ck head and act on impulse instead of using his brains. he punched the screen door in. just tell me how the f*ck are we supposed to replace that? and the worst part is, it triggered mom off. thank god he left. don't bother asking me to f*cking hell type out everything that happened. it's the jist of it and that's it.

wednesday:
-met mario online. i kinda fell asleep on the chair waiting for him and the poor boy thought i was pissed off at him. insecurities are sinking in i guess. i mean really, he doesn't worry when i'm in s'pore cos i'm not particularly interested in asian guys (no i'm not racist!) but moving to aus is a whole new ball game.
- had a misunderstanding with mom. clearly not the best experience.

thursday:
-met my baby online. he's more down today than he was ystd. he's been crying a bit.i wish i cld do something to help and take it all away but the distance is really taking a toll on us. so many plans, so long of a wait. it's one of those helpless feelings that rips u apart over an over and over again. *sigh*
-lou had appointment with docs.
-went into town, saw the most lovely pair of boots that's like $49.95 and a coat for $89.90 suck shit.
-finally, my dearest nadiah came online. yay i made her feel better but i wish i was there. i hate this feeling.

f*ck.

meh.

okay, i know how i promised redz that i'd update my blog like everyday.. but seriously, sometimes there's NOTHING to write abt. seriously, same shit diff day. like i'm still broke, so that means it's still a pain to go out cos i don't wanna gawk at things hoping somehow it'll end up in my possesion, i'm still at home playing with my cats, talking to random people most of which are sex-craved.. :-s tsk tsk tsk. what does it take for a girl to have a proper conversation with a guy without sex being involved? so anyway, i'm still watching movies online, here and there and i'm still counting down to michael buble's concert!!!! so excited balls. it's almost unreal. i said ALMOST. so what i'm trying to say is, well i'm going to try to keep up with this and try not to get bored. lol.

sooo anyways, oh yeah i watched family guy the other night. hahahaha. i forgot how hillarious that cartoon is. and lately i've been into the hannibal series which i find so cool and anyone who doesn't watch it is LAME! lol. so anyway, there was this part when the baby quoted a line from hannibal. i just coulld not help it. "it rubs the lotion on it's chest" hahahahahahahaha. ok ok i sound crazy but if u watched it, it would've been funny for you too. :-p

oh and i spoke to mario ystd. interesting convo! i love having deep convos with him. it makes me feel so interlectual and deep. lol. no seriously, when u have a relatioship and u're other half's that much far away from you, all u can ever do is talk abt what u really think abt in life and all that other un-naughty stuff. haha.but yeah one of the things i absolutely love abt him is that we can talk abt anything and i do mean anything under the sun for any given amt of time. i'd hate it if our relationship just became abt ownership and physicality. but he balances things out really well. :)

on the other hand, a certain someone's pissing me off. i have no idea what's up with her. mood swings really bad. and worse, she's walking up and down which annoys me more. a min she's happy and as soon as u say something else that's not to her liking, she throws a hissy fit and claim she wasn't doing that and why are we snapping at her?? like ummm hello, yeah we're the crazy ones. like 2 against one and the 2 is crazy. ummm hello? like wtf is wrong with you. but look, u'll find that i bitch abt her... A LOT. but i'm only going to tell u the part that pisses me off. cos at the end of the day, it's no longer abt me, it turns to her. but anyways, i'm going to stay calm and get out of her way.

p.s, i'm not talking abt my mom.

meh.

story of my life

ok, lets start with ystd, huda, redz hidayah and i had a conference. the best time ever since i got back to singapore. hahahaha. thinking sbt it just makes me laugh and it kinda reminded me or rather reassured me that things were somehow still the same. it was as if it never changed.... at all. just the fact that i'm all the way here and they're all the way there.

redz: -"i hate love", still picking on huda, probably still hitting on her???? lol. oh and everything was abt sex. u know like i said, guys can only think with one head at a time. never both. when the bottom one's working, it's always sex, and when the top one's working, most of the time, still sex. lol. but really what can u do? primal insticts. oh and did i mention he's still asking me opinions abt relationship? lol well don't get me wrong, i don't mind. in fact i like it cos it makes me feel good when i help clear doubts. so yeah, i guess i'm gonna love being a psychologist :D

huda:- still gets abused by redz. always have and always will. hahahaha. oh and still cheerful as ever. laughs abt anything and everything.. tsk tsk tsk. i wonder how she'll scold her kids one day????

hidayah:- i have to say, she's more of a face to face person. she disappeared for a bit ystd. didn't alk much to her.. :-s

but yeah there u go. a small portion of my demented group of friends who always helps me get by life. i love them to bits and i wouldn't have them any other way. :-p


went grocery shopping ystd with mom and lou. we also ended up buying a fish bowl and a goldfish. tsk tsk. i'm taking this to be the begining of something..... i wouldn't be surprised that in a month to come we'll have an aquarium. see, it only takes a spark to get the fire going. the poor fish, we named it sam. so now, sam's a new member of our "family" (pst. it's 2 families) and soon, there'll be more. the cats are amused by sam. i wonder how this is going to turn out. :-s

well, i'd type more but i have a date and he hasn't showed up.. yet. i hope everything's ok tho. he's always getting into trouble and i'm always kicking myself worried even if he's 10 mins late.. :-s *sigh* story of my life.


xxx

hissy fits.

let's just start with me having only 5 hours of sleep to begin with. i slept at 3+am and woke up at 9am of my date with mario. god bless msn! lol. cos somehow my webcam worked only on msn and not yahoo. which sucked a little for me cos i couldn't view mario's pic. curses.

went back to sleep right after my date and throwing my first hissy fit for the morning. well hear me out. i've been searching online for so long trying to find a fuking decent house and calling the fucking real estate to have a fucking appointment to view properties. well it's been 3 or 4 calls i've said yes to but never showed up. so tell me if i shldn't be pissed. so yeah. i read a book until i fell asleep for like 2 hours i think. lol.

so i woke up and we didn't miss our next appt to view the house. the pictures were ugly as fuck but when we viewed it, it looked awesome. nice paint job, bath tub(which we haven't had in a while now) fire place blah blah blah.. very victorian, great price range. LOVE IT. and lou had to road block me with finding solutions for warming up the house. look i know how it sounds and it seems like i'm over reacting... but omg i just wanted o rip her head off. oh trust me i was ready. so there u go. my second hissy fit. oh blame it on the hormones bitch! cos really, there's a lot to it esp when it's the time of the month.

i miss singapore. well not really, just the people. friends, going out, my g'ma, stacey..... smoking. lol. look, my mom knows i smoke but i haven't smoked since i left. so i'm doing good. but times like these? shit balls! i need a few. lol.

anyways, i gottag go. lou needs the comp. her face is so long it's fucking hell mopping the floor. we'll see how tmr goes...

xx